I am excited today to introduce my first "Guest Blogger Post", or at least I think that's what they call it in this world of blogs?! She is one of my dearest friends who not only is my rock through this battle with infertility but also my comic relief. I can call her on the verge of tears and by the time we hang up she has me laughing. She is one of the most sensible and reasonable people I know and unfortunately we share the statistic of being the "1 out of every 6 couples" that faces infertility but she has won the battle once and I'm sure will do it again! Also please check out her hilarious blog at: www.katiespopculture.blogspot.com
A post from Katie:
(Formally known as) The Baby-less Brunette
Hundreds of dollars.
Maybe it’s even thousands of dollars.
Regardless it’s money that I will never get back. Ever.
I mean I could have used that money a million different ways. I could have gone backpacking through Europe
or had the shopping spree of my dreams along 5th Avenue in New
York. No skiing through the Swiss Alps
or walking down the street in Manolo Blahnik shoes for me. Instead I had to be content with windowing
shopping and watching the Travel Channel for years and years. I guess it’s really not my fault. How was I supposed to know that I was going
to have infertility? How was I supposed
to know that each month when I picked up my birth control from the pharmacy I
was just throwing money out the window?
It’s pretty ironic if you think about it. In college I had the fear each month of
getting pregnant by mistake and as an adult I had the fear each month of never
getting pregnant. I remember one time
after college my period was late and I was so sure I was pregnant. I needed to take a pregnancy test, but I
couldn’t do it at my parents’ house so I did the next best thing. I took an at home pregnancy test at a Mrs. Winner’s
Chicken and Biscuits fast food restaurant.
Classy. There I am, sitting in
the bathroom stall and praying that I wasn’t pregnant. I remember the flood of relief I felt when
the test came back negative. Flash five
years down the road, I’m still sitting in a bathroom (my own – not a Mrs.
Winner’s) praying about a pregnancy test, except this time I am praying for it
to be positive. And again it is negative. I have that familiar flood coming over me
again, but instead of relief its sadness.
I never in a million years thought I would have trouble
getting pregnant. I never thought it
would be so hard. I never thought I
would be living this never ending nightmare.
I just never thought it would be me.
Like I said, it’s ironic isn’t it.
While I did eventually have a baby (two and a half years after
we started to try), I have never allowed my infertility to creep too far away
from me. I feel that going through it
all – the miscarriages, the surgeries, the shots, the disappointment, the fear
– was my journey. My infertility was
long and it was hard. It was something I
never wanted, but in the end it’s part of me.
Like it or not it’s a part of my history, right there with taking a
pregnancy test at a Mrs. Winner’s.
