This is overdue!

Dear Friends,

I am sorry for not updating this blog sooner after we completed our IVF cycle.  I assumed most everyone knew the outcome but then realized there were some I do not live close to that were left wondering.

Sadly, IVF was unsuccessful for us.  Of course the day we found out had to be September 11th which already is a day that makes my heart hurt.  I couldn't bare to watch any of the documentaries or footage on TV that evening or days following. I was already grieving the absence of a pregnancy...and missing those little embryos I had prayed so badly would become our babies.

As hard as going through all of procedures and drugs were; the weeks following our failed IVF have been unexpectedly even harder. I could skip over all the sad stuff and just highlight the happy times we've had; but if there is someone else out there that is going through this-- I want them to know they are not alone.

This has changed me. It has tested relationships with friends, my marriage, my family but especially with God. There have been times I truly wondered if He has forgotten us. Finding out somone  I know is pregnant can bring me to my knees.  Even holding a baby can sometimes be impossible without holding back tears.  The thought that my husband and I may never have our own biological child has become a reality.  Yep, that is the truth.

Now don't' get me wrong. You know D and I will always fight through and find happiness no matter what. And of course I am happy for my friends when they get pregnant-- it just stings a little deeper for us every time it happens.  D and I are thankful for each other, the amazing support we have, and all of our family & friends we love so much that know how to make us laugh.  We were able to sneak away to Key West for a long weekend and truly forget about our worries. We had a blast!!

We don't have any current plans to pursue growing our family (not anytime soon anyway).  After two years it's time to just love each other, live, and celebrate the DINK life that we are living. Maybe it's not so bad after all.

Thank you again for all of the love you have shown us.

XOXO,
L

IVF, complete

This morning, we completed our IVF cycle.  Everything I did was all for this moment of seeing our microscopic embryo up on a big screen before they brought it in and transferred it back into my uterus where hopefully it decides to stay and grow over the the next 9 months.  There are still a lot of variables and a lot of hard work that embryo has got to do.  Today and tomorrow I am taking it easy than it is back to work on Wednesday.  This is the most consecutive days off I've had in a long time.... I think since my honey moon.... too bad I can't walk out my door and be resting on the beach instead:)

I can't even being to thank everyone for their concern and support during this time.  Everyone has been so kind-- sometimes I feel guilty  like we don't' deserve to have people be this kind to us.  It certainly would have been a lot harder though without ya'll :)

The weird part is that now there are no more shots to take, no more crazy medication-- nothing else I can do.... we made it. Today, even seeing that little blob of cells for the first time through a microscope-- I already loved that little thing so much! After the transfer was done all the doctors left and it was just D and I in the room by ourselves.  As I laid there tears streamed down my face as I thought of this potential little life I want to start so, so badly.  We have done absolutely everything possible to try and get pregnant... and now it's just up to the Lord.

So my friends, this is going to be my last blog post until I guess sometime in November...

When I started this blog I didn't really think through this part! Ya'll have been with me every step of the way but I know that whether this IVF cycle is successful or not, sharing the outcome is just not something we are going to be open with for a while.  And for those of you (who are detectives) that will see me- just because I'm not drinking won't mean anything--- who knows maybe this cycle turned out unsuccessful and we are trying another round with a little frozen embryo.  The possibilities are endless, hehe.


 For now my goal is to give all my worries to God, and to have Faith.  Thank you again for sharing this journey with us.

Bloggin' From Bed

I just wanted let everyone know my egg retrieval surgery was successful this morning. I am feeling pretty sore but am recovering in bed with lots of extra attention from the hubs and my parents that are in town! Thank you everyone for all of your thoughts and prayers, they were definitely felt😊

Xoxo

Good evening:)

Well, tonight might be the last night of my injections!! The last few days has been full of a lot of trips the doctor's office, ultrasounds and blood draws.  At this point I am getting pretty uncomfortable.  It feels like my ovaries are ticking time bombs!  Thankfully today is the first day it's really been bad.  I started noticing it on Saturday and it just kept getting more noticeable.  What is MORE annoying than my ovaries are my allergies. Yikes.  I'm not supposed to get sick while doing IVF... I'm hoping I dont' have a sinus infection right now. I'll be at the docs again in the AM, I'll see if they can let me take a Z pack so I'll be finished before the transfer.


If tonight is my last night of injections; I'll 'trigger' tomorrow night and Thursday will be the egg retrieval surgery-- then either 3 or 5 days after that will be the transfer.

We are excited and SO ready to do this.  This process has been hard and we are tired, but we certainly feel His strength every day.  Glory be to God.

I wont' miss this!

Update

Hi Everyone! I'm writing this from my office which people can pass through at any moment and see my screen so I'll keep this short so I don't have anyone googling the "babylessblonde" out of curiosity, haha.

Friday I had my baseline ultrasound and blood work.  Both showed I was ready to move forward with the "stim" meds.  The ultrasound was a scene out of Grey's Anatomy with a gorgeous blond doctor in a hot pink dress and a handsome 30 something resident that was there to observe and a super awkward patient!  Then of course for some reason this office has a really hard time taking my blood. They stabbed me three times in each arm and couldn't' get anything...so I was sent off to a Labcorp where they would have more needle gauge's.  On the 7th attempt of the day, they finally drew my blood. I told that doctor I loved him. hehe.

I started stimming (adding my stimulation shots) on Saturday night. Let me just say it is not that much fun.  These needles are bigger, they hurt and my belly is starting to bruise and is super tender.  I called the nurse this morning to tell her about one of my injections that actually made me cry last night and she said I need to starting icing/numbing the area before I do the shot. I think the specific needles I'm using are a little dull. It's really weird.

So anyone out there preparing or thinking about doing IVF I would A) consult me first so you don't have to use the same type of syringe's I got stuck with and B) stop working out and start drinking milkshakes and eating lasagna. :)  I know there are plenty of people that have gone before me that are skinnier and more muscular than me, haha.  I think I can attribute this to crappy needles:/

This next week I just pray I can stay mentally strong and stress free.  I've already had to adjust my medication dose with my hormone levels not being where they need to be... and tomorrow is an ultrasound to see if my ovaries are responding to the meds.  D is thankfully coming with me.

Prayers are appreciated.  We are in the midst of this now and it certainly feels like it. Thanks again for your support.

XOXO

9 Days & Counting!

I can't believe it's been over a week since I took my first injection. Time is flying, this is a good thing for sure.  D & I have learned so much just in this past week with these shots-- I feel like a pro for now (until I guess the next stage rolls around).  For the most part it's really been fine-- we have found it's much better for me to give the injection to myself in the stomach.  We have done it twice where D gives me the shot in the back of my arm... one time it went well and the other it hurt... I think it reached my muscle.  I feel so bad for D. I know he hates thinking that he is hurting me; I think I have to remind him that really it is helping me!!  He has such a loving heart though; he can't help it❤.  These are all "Sub-Q" injections-- so just in fatty tissue.  Clearly, I thought my booty would be the perfect pin cushion but for some reason it's not one of the spots on your body that they recommend for these shots?!?! Go figure.   Anyway, we really haven't had any issues with the Lupron.  As far as side effects go-- if you search "Lupron Side effects" what you can come across is a little frightening but luckily I've just been more tired and have only had an irrational moment or two, hehe:)

So anyway, I am moving right along here.  Yesterday, I took my last birth control pill---so here's to lucky cycle #17!!! This week sometime I will go in for my baseline ultrasound to make sure the Lupron is doing it's job and everything looks good to add the Menopur and Gonal-F starting on Saturday.  Then I will have blood work and ultrasounds every other day until everything looks good for the surgery.

Someone was honest enough to remind me that sometimes even IVF cycles don't go as planned (and I'm not even talking about the pregnancy part).  Sometimes cycles get canceled because you don't' respond (or respond too much)enough to the hormones.  I think coming from canceled IUI cycles in my past-- since the IVF process is so much more controlled  you just assume nothing can go wrong ...but really anything can happen. I have to just keep praying that each stage of this process is successful and I can keep moving forward.  I know I will be a nervous wreck before all of those ultrasounds.

Other than that I'm just trying to take it kind of easy.  I've had to stop running for now at least.  Walking only.  Not that I ever was a real "runner"....  I jog two miles a day with the pup and that includes some walking for her 'potty' breaks and sniffing around in the bushes. So maybe I was just a "jogger", anyway :)

This past weekend was great.  We were actually in town for once and got to see friends and had a lot of laughs. <3

I finished off my Sunday by spending time with my nephews and SIL. My nephew was cracking me up--- he is going to be just like his Uncle D, loving boats and anything that goes fast!   I feel so lucky to have my brother and his family living just a few miles away from me.  I used to be so sad thinking my nephew only would get to see me a few times a year.  I love having family so close-- it's really a special thing.

Lastly, I had to just mention a thoughtful gesture from a couple very special to us.  They sent us a note in the mail to remind us that our faith in God will keep us strong and that "If He brings you to it; He'll bring you through it". How true is that?

“How can you say the LORD does not see your troubles? O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights? Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.  Even youths will become weak and tired and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:27-31 NLT)

I know God is listening to my prayers.  I have felt so much peace and love in my heart these last few days that I just know is because of Him and I couldn't ask for anything more....

He will see you through!

I came across this the other evening and thought I would share. I have been reading this everyday. It can certainly be applied to anything you are going through in life. "The Lord is with you always."

A Baby-Q, A Keg Stand & My First Injection!

Hi Friends:)

I am happy to say after a rough week I had a great weekend and finished it off with a successful first injection!

This past week was stressful.  On top of the craziness of work right now I was trying to get all my meds ordered/chosen and deal with our insurance company.  Little did I know I couldn't scoot over to our local Kroger Pharmacy to pick everything up--- all of the "goods" come from a medical pharmacy of your choice and it seemed they were all of of New Jersey (go figure)!  And of course just when I thought everything was all set, they called and said one of the injection brands I chose was not covered by our insurance but if I wanted to pay out of pocket for this one medication it would be $2,000.00.  Uhhhh, no thanks!  So I ended up switching to a different brand to save a few bucks... lol.  Everything arrived to me at work on Thursday morning.  I opened the box and took a look inside to see a ton of syringes, alcohol wipes and the "sharps" container.  How exciting:/

Friday afternoon D and I flew down to Atlanta for one of my best friends "Baby-Q".  It was a great, beautiful "co-ed" shower.  Honestly, the best baby shower I have ever been to.  Usually I have had one too many mimosas and am slowly sinking deeper into the couch hoping no one will notice I'm trying to rest my eyelids. Hehe.

Some of you may be wondering how or why the heck I went to a baby shower the weekend I'm starting my first IVF cycle, but I am so glad I went.  Honestly though, if someone had asked me if I was going to attend 6 months ago I probably would not have had a definitive answer.  When these things come up in an infertile person's life... it really has to be taken on a case by case basis.  For example, back when I was doing my IUI's it was the biggest roller coaster, it was terrible.  I wanted to run away from pregnant people... it was just a strange instinct. lol.  Remember learning about the "Flight or Fight" response?  That was (sometimes still is) me; flight.  Nothin' but flight.  And, really when you are going through infertility, if you are feeling like an event is not going to be a good idea to attend... it's best to listen to your instincts and not make yourself go through something just because.  I learned my lesson quickly as the day I found out my first IUI cycle failed--- I had already committed to going to someone's baby shower.  EPIC FAIL.  I left the house in hysterics (literally) and showed up 30 minutes late to the shower.  I walked in and it felt like everyone was staring at me... surely they could all tell I was a raging lunatic just 45 minutes prior!  I sat with a few girls I barely knew and slugged back a few glasses of champagne, didn't eat a thing, and if I recall correctly was trying to make jokes that no one was laughing at. Oh lawdy.  Anyway, I guess my point here is.... I have found people are so kind and if you are just honest and tell them how you feel..... if you can't see them right now or might have to miss an event they will be understanding.  Thankfully during this break inbetween my failed IUI's and starting IVF I have been able to come to a much better mental state in which I knew I could never miss this great friends Baby Q <3

So, back to the events of the Baby Q.  First, let me say I totally expected this to all go down the way it did just because I have come to know my friends' (let's call her K) group of friends down in Atlanta and they are a fun crew! By 9:45pm we were all outside enjoying the nice night, listening to music, maybe even attempting the "Wop" and then one of K's friends looks around the group of people.. see's me and yells, "Leanne... come start off the keg stands!!!"  Allllrighty then!   I thought to myself, "you just never know when your last keg stand is going to be!??!"  So up I went onto the little deck, in my dress (that D held)...... and did a keg stand, for all of 7 seconds!  Hopefully that is my last keg stand I'll be allowed to do in the next 10 months.

It was such a great weekend and it is amazing to see how much love there already is for this little girl due in September.  It's hard to beleive K, once dubbed "Spring Break MVP" is about to bring a baby into the world. She is going to be such a great (and fun) mama! <3  Before I flew to Atlanta this weekend I asked that the Lord granted me peace and put nothing but happiness and love in my heart for my dear friend-- I can definitely say that prayer was answered!

And lastly, my first injection is complete!  D and I were both a little nervous-- thankfully there are instructional videos online to take you through step by step.  The only thing that went a little differently then planned is that I couldn't give myself the shot-- D had to do it for me.  I sat there with it up to my belly and kept chickening out.  Thankfully, D (who usually can't even look at a needle) just calmly took the syringe from my hand and told me to close my eyes. And it was done in a few seconds of course!  I DO need to be able to give them to myself by the end of this week though as D is going to have to still travel over the next couple of weeks and I don't think I can rely on Penny :)

That's it for now.  I dont' know if I will have much more to update over the next two weeks.  I just have to take this one shot every evening up until August 17th.  Then it goes to three shots a night of the stimulant drugs. That's the serious stuff!

Thank you for your continued support, prayers, emails, gchats, texts... all of the above!

I can't wait to watch the Bachelorette finale tomorrow night even though I've read all the spoilers!!!:)


XOXO,
Mrs. P

A Post from the Babyless "Brunette"!!

Dear Friends,

I am excited today to introduce my first "Guest Blogger Post", or at least I think that's what they call it in this world of blogs?!  She is one of my dearest friends who not only is my rock through this battle with infertility but also my comic relief. I can call her on the verge of tears and by the time we hang up she has me laughing.  She is one of the most sensible and reasonable people I know and unfortunately we share the statistic of being the "1 out of every 6 couples" that faces infertility but she has won the battle once and I'm sure will do it again!  Also please check out her hilarious blog at: www.katiespopculture.blogspot.com

A post from Katie:

(Formally known as) The Baby-less Brunette

Hundreds of dollars.  Maybe it’s even thousands of dollars.  Regardless it’s money that I will never get back.  Ever.  I mean I could have used that money a million different ways.  I could have gone backpacking through Europe or had the shopping spree of my dreams along 5^th Avenue in New York.  No skiing through the Swiss Alps or walking down the street in Manolo Blahnik shoes for me.  Instead I had to be content with windowing shopping and watching the Travel Channel for years and years.  I guess it’s really not my fault.  How was I supposed to know that I was going to have infertility?  How was I supposed to know that each month when I picked up my birth control from the pharmacy I was just throwing money out the window? 

It’s pretty ironic if you think about it.  In college I had the fear each month of getting pregnant by mistake and as an adult I had the fear each month of never getting pregnant.  I remember one time after college my period was late and I was so sure I was pregnant.  I needed to take a pregnancy test, but I couldn’t do it at my parents’ house so I did the next best thing.  I took an at home pregnancy test at a Mrs. Winner’s Chicken and Biscuits fast food restaurant.  Classy.  There I am, sitting in the bathroom stall and praying that I wasn’t pregnant.  I remember the flood of relief I felt when the test came back negative.  Flash five years down the road, I’m still sitting in a bathroom (my own – not a Mrs. Winner’s) praying about a pregnancy test, except this time I am praying for it to be positive.  And again it is negative.  I have that familiar flood coming over me again, but instead of relief its sadness. 

I never in a million years thought I would have trouble getting pregnant.  I never thought it would be so hard.  I never thought I would be living this never ending nightmare.  I just never thought it would be me.

Like I said, it’s ironic isn’t it. 

While I did eventually have a baby (two and a half years after we started to try), I have never allowed my infertility to creep too far away from me.  I feel that going through it all – the miscarriages, the surgeries, the shots, the disappointment, the fear – was my journey.  My infertility was long and it was hard.  It was something I never wanted, but in the end it’s part of me.  Like it or not it’s a part of my history, right there with taking a pregnancy test at a Mrs. Winner’s.  

This post is a hard one to title.  How do people even come up with these blog titles??? And what about the people that are such good blogger's that people advertise on their blog? lol.  I am just glad I have figured out how to post things!

I'm sitting here on the couch this lovely Sunday morning trying to organize in my mind what I wanted to write to ya'll today.  D and I did had our IVF/Medication class on Thursday afternoon of this week-- and all went well. It was definitely intimidating seeing those needles and figuring out I need to take three shots a day for a while-- but I definitely feel educated on what's about to happen. The nurse doing our class (which was just D & I)  said to me "wow, you already seem like you know exactly what's going on here... obviously you've done research I appreciate that, this must be very important to you".  This is the third time a doctor or nurse has said this to me since the start of this IVF process. And each time I hear it I smile and feel proud of myself but then I feel like I just want to cry. Yes, I am pouring my heart, mind and soul into this. Every prayer I make I ask that God continues to give us hope and lead us down the right path.  Sometimes, I feel weird almost begging God to give us our own child one day.... and I wonder to myself "is it wrong to be longing for something that God has not yet put into our lives?"

But it's in moment's and thoughts like that I think about all of the "barren" (this is how they refer to infertile women) women in the bible.  The most popular story of course being Sarai & Abraham's, but I prefer the one of Hannah and Elkanah.  There is a lot I have learned from Hannah.  And before I go into this; let me just say that there is a book called "Hannah's Hope" that was given to one of my best friends (from another one of my best friends) during her battle with infertility, and in return that  friend gave it to me<3

Long story short (literally, hehe) Hannah was married to her husband, Elkanah. Hannah was not able to get pregnant for years even though she desperately wanted a child.  She cried out to the Lord about her situation and promised if God gave her a son she would dedicate him to God as a Nazirite (a man set apart to serve God). 

"While Hannah was silently praying, Eli (the priest at the tabernacle) saw her and mistook her distress and at first thought she was drunk.  He made an ill-advised comment to encourage her to give up drinking, and she corrected his mistake. “I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief,” she told him . Hannah then explains her predicament, and Eli says, “Go in peace, and the God of Israel grant your petition that you have made to him.” After that, Hannah felt better; she had received God’s promise."  Hannah eventually gave birth to a son, Samuel.

I like the story of Hannah because really for the first time in the bible when telling the story of a women struggling with infertility we learn of a women's (Hannah's) sadness, depression and bitterness because of her infertility.  

Ultimately, God is who puts the longing of a child in our hearts... so the Lord understands and is listening to our prayers.

On another note, today starts the 1 week countdown to my first injection. It's finally starting to feel real. The one comment/question I've been getting recently (for obvious reasons) is if I'm excited about thinking that I could be pregnant in the next couple of weeks.  You would  think I would be imagining myself sporting a baby bump this upcoming fall but honestly, I'm not.  I can't even tell you how many times during this journey I kept thinking things like, "Well, that wedding we are going to is 6 months away...obviously I'll be pregnant by then" or "I better not buy too many new clothes on this shopping trip because I'll be in maternity clothes in a few months".  I of course had thoughts like that for the brief period that I even WAS pregnant and it STILL didn't work out. So whether it's a type of "protection" mechanism or just being let down time after time... I really don't even posses the ability to imagine myself pregnant anymore.  I guess you could say I'm a little jaded.  Sad, but it's the truth.

But, of course I do feel like for the first time in a long time I actually have a chance at getting pregnant.  With my IUI's; after my first one failed I somehow just had a feeling that the rest weren't going to work. I have heard a million times-- just "picture it happening in your mind", "think positive thoughts". Well I did all that plus more and it never worked.  Honestly, to be able to get through this (and stay sane and reasonable), putting my trust in Him and not relying on my own understanding is the best I can do.  Maybe God is envisioning me being pregnant this fall for me--- that would be just lovely.

Taking it All In

The "D+" I got in a freshman Biology class my Senior year of college says it all. I am terrible at math/science/anatomy... anything included in that realm.  I even used to have beers with my professor, Dr. Freeman at Tuesday night pint night at Delaney's and I'm pretty sure the "D+" was a favor to not fail me. Woopsies.

Yesterday I got the email from my IVF nurse with my 6 week IVF "Lupron" protocol with all the medications I will need and I honestly started crying and laughing at the same time. I'm not going to lie, I was scared and completely overwhelmed.  And for some reason they even give me a choice at one point as to what stimulant injections I want to use?!  I'm a little concerned why this is my choice (lol)????  After going through the long email, I then briefly opened up the 6 attachments.  One which was a video of a women jabbing herself with these needles (I know I am so dramatic).  This stuff is so confusing to me... I feel like I'm in that Freshman Biology class all over again where the professor was of course speaking English but he might has well been speaking German:/

I called D on the phone at work and he said, "This is crazy, I'm a little scared". I said, "For you or for me?". D replies, "both". hahahaha.  Honestly, he should be scared I'm known to get all side effects listed on medications.

Anyway, we go Thursday of this week for our "Medication Class" so hopefully I will have a lot of my questions answered.  After I got that email I feel like I need to organize our entire house and come up with an IVF Calendar so I dont' mess up any of these medications (who am I kidding I'm sure there's an App for that). That and re-read my  Bio 101 book.

Not to mention the cost of these medication is so ridiculous--- I can't let a drop spill out of any of those needles!! And of course we have got to lock D down to not be traveling as I need him for the shots and for his big part of this whole process, hehe. Ahhh, there is a lot to do!

On another note, we spent our weekend in DC with old friends:) We had such a great time! Saturday, D hung out with his best college friend while I made the trek out to Eastern Shore MD and spent the day with one of my best friends and her beautiful family! Little Gamecocks to be!  Nothing like being with an old friend-- even though we haven't seen each other in a year it was like I had seen her just the day before. We had lots of laughs together.

Saturday night I made my way back to DC and we all partied like it was 2007! So much fun; D and I really needed a night like that. 

So now the preparation begins.  In less than 2 weeks I start my first injections so after much research I have decided to try and be "extra healthy" leading up to this IVF cycle.  There is really no solid facts that cutting out certain foods or eating specific things help success rates with IVF; but honestly this is such an emotionally, physically and financially draining  process I want to give it my very best.  So that means no alcohol too. Lame. So lame.  Actually, I have decided against this as it would be bad for my mental health:)  I bought things in the "natural" section of Kroger today. That' stuff's expensive! I even bought Almond milk.  Woah.  Seriously, I refuse to even shop at Whole Foods & Fresh Market because I think it's all a gimmick.....so obviously this means business.

Lastly, today I met my new nephew born this past Saturday morning.  A cute little 8lbs munchkin I could just stare at all day.  Seeing him reminds me that this journey will all be worth it.

During this time I pray that God gives D and I courage, wisdom and takes away our fears and anxiety's. We have worries over many things as we approach these upcoming few weeks including of course the outcome but as D always reminds me, just take life one day at a time.

One more thing! Thank you to everyone who sent texts, emails and made calls to let me know they liked my first blog post. That really meant so much:) If you want to get a little note in your email whenever there is a new post-- just enter your email in the "follow by email" box on the right hand side.  Also, feel free to make comments, just don't use our full names if you can remember. Thanks!

Love,
Mrs. P

The Joy That's Coming

Hello My Friend,

Thank you so much for checking in! I am creating this (private) blog to keep our close friends/family updated on this Infertility journey. Many of our loved ones have been so kind to always check in and ask how we are doing and what the latest is— and I’m sure there are some others that would like to inquire but don’t always feel comfortable asking; so I thought this would be a good place to share.

To recap where we have been.. we are 16 cycles, 3 failed IUI’s (artificial insemination’s), and unfortunately one early miscarriage in. Oh and I have maxed out my lifetime of clomid cycles(!?!?). The road has been bumpy for sure and it’s taken us through some pretty dark times but these last few months I have really been able to put my faith in God and so many prayers have been answered.

I do have to give a shout out to D, who has been so good to me.  The poor thing is a natural “fixer” of problems, so I know how much it hurts him and frustrates him to not be be able to solve this situation for us.  He is just the person to go to when I feel anxiety taking over and I think there is no place to hide. He has handled everything with our insurance, finances and has even chased after test results from doctor’s offices for me! <3 He is my sunshine.

I have found with infertility there is such a fine line between “living” and “coping”.  It’s very interesting and I think anyone who goes through it wishes there was some type of handbook that everyone (including their friends & family) had to read! I have certainly found that not everyone will agree with the road you pursue in order to start a family but in the end you just have to choose what’s best for you and be at peace with it.

Our next (VERY exciting step) is IVF (invitro fertilization).  We just recently switched fertility clinics and will be doing this IVF cycle with UNC Fertility.  Thinking about the injections, the egg retrieval and side effects is a little daunting but it’s a small price to pay for the possible outcome!  Here is a great (and simple) explanation of IVF in case you are curious: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oNg6Lm4ZJ4

Leading up to this point has been lots of testing, signing paperwork, reviewing financials– so we are excited to officially be IVF patients!  After all that testing our diagnoses is “unexplained infertility”…. which is annoying and worrisome at the same time.  But anyway, next up is our IVF class so D can learn how to give me the injections and how we mix the medications.  This should be interesting considering he started feeling faint watching me get blood drawn last week!  I will update soon and let ya’ll know how that goes  

In the meantime I will also amuse myself with random postings just about life in general, this might just be a great little way to pour my energy into something other than trying to have a bambino and work!

Lastly, thank you to everyone who has been so supportive through this journey.  Just thinking about it has me holding back tears. And to my friends who have been through this or are going through this now– we will be parents together someday.

God is so good.

XOXO
Mrs. P